I like to daydream, even more during my teenage years. When I was 13, I felt pretty upset about life and decided to contemplate and figure out how I should live my life and make things as simple as things can be. That time, I know that I will grow up one day, to face working life, and to imagine what kind of work that I should do and I can imagine doing for the rest of my life. So I took the entire day, lying in my bed figuring out things that makes me happy. The one thing that provokes this warm feeling in my heart was when the image of a dolphin comes to mind. Yes, i am fascinated with marine life and I thought, someday, i could be a marine biologist or to do something with the ocean. I then decided that that should be my aim/goal/direction and only remember the word 'marine' simply because it induces happiness.
When I was 17, I failed six out of nine subjects in school. I was in the science stream, and was lost and depressed about life (yes, teenage life indeed). i was in the darkest pit in life, that i didnt care about exams and contemplated leaving home and work right after high school. But... it came to me that i'll be 18 soon and need to choose a career path or a college course that will lead me to where I want to go. And then, I remembered the word 'marine'. At that time, the major exam was near and I realized that I should be bucking up in my studies from failing 6 subjects to getting a Grade 1 in my SPM... I dont really know what happened but I could remember being in the room for 3 weeks surrounded by books trying to absorb as much information as I could for 2 years of syllabi being tested. I pulled through SPM from failing 6 subjects to getting 4 A's and a total aggregate of 17. the 'marine' saved my soul and life.
when I went into college, i was discouraged to take up marine science because there was no future here in Malaysia for this type of field. So, I decided to take up mass communication, which in the end, i ended up switching back to science based subjects because I refused to close the door to 'marine'. i went into quite a bit of a trouble to stay in science field, and ended up graduating in biotechnology degree 6 years after i graduated from high school. (a lot of trouble indeed). somewhere in between, i felt that i was getting out of touch with my passion of life, and volunteered for the zoo, and managed to fork out some money to travel to Koh Tao and take my Open Water license. I usually do not share these feelings openly but I could never be happier. It's really like living a dream.
During my college/undergraduate days, there werent much diving activities that I can afford so I have only managed to log less than 10 dives after 4 years of getting my license. Of course, I have been backpacking and widening my horizon, but that aspect of life was for the purpose of testing my level of independence. Diving activities during backpacking doesn't go very well because of the financial factor. I dont think it's that cheap to dive and what more when I am backpacking.
Now that I am in the science field, I tried to stick to research field associated with marine, and started with marine food. Well.. it isnt much but it's a start. Unfortunately, the marine product is categorized under food and I am generally doing research in food. Anyway, it didnt matter to me because I enjoy research anyway and generally, I do believe that research can be applicable to any science field. I am bound to finish my Masters and am now at the final stage of writing my thesis for submission. For some reason, I feel depressed, like finally being here, I'm almost 26, and still have not started earning a stable income to save my neck. Compared to my peers who are earning more than 5k or some 5-digits salary, I am an absolute loser. While some live their life, meet people and marry the love of their life, I have nothing in any of those aspect. All I have is this passion of the word 'marine'.
You know... whether it is in relationships/physical attributes/intelligence/attractiveness or anything, I do not have any of those. I also failed all those even if I tried. The thing about life is that it has always been unfair and it sucks but it's not the end. I am a loser but I have something in life that I know can save me in times of depression. I think the hardest thing for a person to overcome is their feelings. Like getting over someone and the feelings they had for someone is never easy no matter how tough they are. In fact, the tougher the person, the harder it is for them to get over something that emotional because tough people are tough because they know they are weak inside. it's a self defense for survival. human instinct.
At this stage of life, all grown up and matured, measured against my peers, I think it's rather normal to be ostracized/alienated/depressed because I am old and I have come a long way, not to let life leads me but to live my life the way I want it. There's nothing great about me, no income, not intelligent, not talented, not brilliant, forgettable and insignificant. It's natural for people to judge my unworthiness and to show support to me of my pitiful life... Depressing but... so what?
Sometimes when life becomes so overwhelming in the attempt to try to make myself more useful, I forget about the thing that makes me happy. Some people define happiness with love, like the many weddings that I have attended and how happy I feel for them, I guess love has no room for me at this point of life. But, I do have a passion. I think there's only a fine line that separates love and passion, both with the equal magnitude to change how we feel about life and I am glad, that I clinged to this passion for years and never letting it go. My passion for the marine life enhances everytime I dive, and everytime I dive, I feel more alive and that life is worthwhile. When I feel alive, I am ready to face the world all over again and everything is okay. That is how much diving meant to me because it makes happiness comes to life.
I dont know how I can afford diving when I have to pay for my study loans, insurances and monthly expenses and that I'm only a postgraduate student. But I do know that this is happening because I want to do and I'm glad that I am diving.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Perhentian Dive Trip Log (24th April 2008 - 28th April 2008)
24th April 2008
The recent trip to Perhentian has left me wanting for more diving adventures. I left Kuala Lumpur on 23rd April night, reaching Kuala Besut at 5.30 am and was stoned in the only Chinese restaurant opened that morning. Two hours after being in that restaurant, I made my way to the jetty to find the person holding my boat ticket. I got on the 7.30 am speedboat which is a small boat and courageously fought the waves despite its size. Halfway through, it rained, and I was soaked because the high speed boat not only splashes water on my face, but the rain as well. It's not like the boat is a covered up type. So, before I ever reached the island, I was already soaked all in the attempt of protecting my bags and belongings.
I finally stepped into Perhentian Island (Big island) and checked into the basic room in Flora Bay Resort. Umm... it's a rather dull room, but at least furnished with a cupboard and a mirror. Toilet bowl was eeky since it cannot be flushed and someone left their remains inside. My first day, I did my Peak Performance Buoyancy with my instructor, Beth, 2 dives and finished one course in a day. I think it is a great course because it helped a lot in my diving skills. It still rained the rest of the day, and because of the weather, the sea was a little colder, and I saw sharks. Leopard shark and a black tip shark in two different dives. What a lucky day despite the weather.
25th April 2008
The plan for today was to do a deep and wreck dive. I was brought to Sugar Wreck, which I was totally rendered blind by the visibility and also my short sightedness.
Although I couldnt see much at a glance, while we were moving around both dive sites, the marine life we spotted was amazingly rich in variety and I was so excited that I could cry. I wasnt allowed to bring my camera because I was supposed to concentrate on my course. So, there were A LOT of pictures that I did not take and was quite a bit upset from that. Still.... life goes on. I made a friend over in Flora Bay, a Korean girl doing her Advanced Diver Licence at the same dive centre. She was my neighbor. We quickly became acquainted because when I first arrived, I turned on my recent favorite song "Aeng Mu Sae" by Kim Jung Hoon out loud while showering and she overheard the music. She thought I was Korean because I have a 'universal' look that can pass as almost any nationality. We talked a lot and she goes by the name Gwi Ri. I finished my course by mid-noon and waited to attend a friend's wedding over in the smaller island, at Impiani Resort. The boat was supposed to come at 6 pm, but the phone reception in Flora Bay was quite bad (no line, to be exact), so it took me a while to get hold of the bride and confirm the boat. Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication and they thought I was coming on my own. The boatman came to pick me up at 7.30 pm, of which the wedding dinner has already started and I was already starving to death, not to mention, in the foulest mood ever. I was dropped off right at the beach, 5 steps from my dinner table and i brought my luggage with me, to the dinner. Everything became alright when I finally met up with everyone and my stomach filled. Dinner was fantastic and I wanted to spend more time at the reception but a friend of mine wants to go back to her resort (which I am bunking at the same room), so I had to leave. Taking a boat at night can be a thrill and romantic...
26th April 2008
I left Senja Resort (Perhentian Kecil Island) in the morning, and was back in Flora Bay to check in by 9.30am. I paid double for the boatride because I was the only person in the boat. I also left my handphone over in Impiani resort which I was so upset over that incident. Luckily, they manage to find my phone and made plans to send it to me in due time. Then, I continue my dive course on another deep dive and wreck dive, which I was exhausted to the point of oblivion, but I still have to finish up some knowledge review and invited Gwi Ri for dinner because I was sick of eating alone. We ate at the next resort because we found Flora Bay's food a bit too oily and unhealthy. The food was great.
27th April 2008
I moved to another resort, because it was cheaper by RM5, and it was just next door. In Fauna Beach Chalet, I was pretty happy with what I got, and the room seemed a little brighter. I brought Gwi Ri to my room and showed her around, and she planned to move to the same beach chalet the next day. I also got my handphone back. We chatted and joked and made plans for dinner again, which when I went to my room to charge my camera, she met another diver traveling alone by the name of Shun Ming. He works in Singapore and was diving with Fauna dive centre. The three of us got together after our dives, and met up for dinner. We ate in Arwana Beach Resort, where the ambience is much similar to a 4-5 star resort (not to mention the price of the food too). Over dinner, we talked about our dive experience and how we all end up traveling alone. We concluded with naming ourselves The Three Lonely Divers because one of us doesnt have friends (Shun Ming), another that doesnt like her friends (me) and another that friends doesnt like her (Gwi Ri). It was a pleasant friendship and we headed of walking by the beach to relax. It ended that three of us lying on the beach, star gazing the beautiful sky, which I told Gwi Ri, I want a piece of the sky in my room and I want to stare at the sky until it becomes an image reflected instantly whenever I close myeyes. I want that piece of the sky that is just right at the corner, nearest to the west where there is an occasional thunder light and the stars are brightest there. Gwi Ri said she has given that piece of the sky to me already. hahaha. I called that part of the sky My Favorite Star Corner.It was a while until we stopped our addiction to stars, and headed back to bed.
28th April 2008
I cannot believe it's my last day here. I finally am allowed to bring my underwater camera to my dives and the first dive was just to test out the camera. The second dive was in Tanjung Basi, which lasted 50 wonderful minutes. It was a rather busy dive for me because the moment we reach the bottom, we spotted Unicornfish, which we tried to chase after, and then I saw a black tip shark that went pass us quickly. We went after the shark, which it disappeared into the blues, and a humphead parrotfish came over to chomp on the corals. it was a fantastic dive. I was busy taking photos, along in trying to get used to multitasking of the various aspect of underwater photography. After the parrotfish left us, we went around and saw a beautiful moorish idol swimming pass us, and a pair of single banner butterfly fish.
Then, we spotted a six banded angelfish, followed by another butterflyfish. While I was busy taking pictures of the butterfly fish, my instructor called out to me and showed me the puffer fish, and then the blacktip shark came around us once more as if to check us out. (maybe it's because of my period). geez. I couldnt get the picture of the shark because it was wayyy too fast for me. Suddenly, the humphead parrotfish came along and we just sat there in the sea and observe/photographed the big 4ft long fat ass ugly blue piece of fish. It was awesome for me because it's my first time seeing a parrotfish upclose. Nothing can make me happier. My instructor signalled to ascend as I was at 80 bar of air left, and while we were ascending, we saw a school of silver batfish near to the surface. My instructor gave me permission to descend and take some photos if I want and I did, and I was jumping with joy.
When my dive finally ended, I met up with Gwi Ri and Shun Ming again. Gwi Ri was off to Long Beach to check out the accommodation because she will be moving there, and we have made plans for a night dive. At 7.30 pm, we geared up again for our night dive and dove in Shark Point, just below the sky of My Favorite Star Corner. I saw crabs, and crabs, sleeping fishes, blue spotted ray and a goatfish. Other than that, I could see nothing and the dive ended when one of us was low on air. Night dive photography seems to be quite a challenge for me as I only have a pair of hands, one holding a torch and another holding the camera. Well... I'm sure in time I will be able to get used to it. (More photos here under Perhentian Dive Trip 2008)
29th April 2008
I left Perhentian Island in the morning by the 8 am boat, and reaching Kuala Besut before 9 am. I tried to get a bus ticket back to KL but it was fully booked/occupied/sold out. I had to take a bus/taxi to Jerteh or Kota Bahru, according to the agent, going to Kota Bahru will be better because the main bus stand is there and the chances of getting a seat is higher. So, I didnt want to travel alone and manage to join two other girls, Laura and Sonna (from England and Holland) to Kota Bahru by bus and we found the last three seats to KL by Sani Express leaving at 9 pm. We have a total of 10 hours to kill and most of it were spent in the Internet cafe. I took the opportunity to satisfy my appetite for Kelantan food specialty, Ayam percik and Nasi kerabu, and I went out of my way to eat at the best shop. At Yati's Restaurant, I paid for the delicious Ayam Percik which I have been wanting to eat since forever, and my first time ever eating Nasi Kerabu biru. It was worth the while.
I met up with the two girls in town again and went back to the the cyber cafe to kill time. We finally boarded the bus at 9 pm, which I left my sweater at the baggage keeping area, and had to use my towel as a blanket. I took out my travel kit consist of a neck rest, earplugs and an eye cover and slept before the bus even began to leave the bus stop. The bus stopped near my housing area, which I got up, and took a while to recognize the area, and rushed down from the bus, making the driver coming out of his seat to open the baggage area again for me to take my luggage. I finally got home at 4.30 am the next day, showered and dozed right off in my own sweet bed and woke up to a normal day in the city, and back to work.
Total dives logged: 39 dives. YAY!
Next dive trip: Sipadan/Mabul/Kapalai Island.
24th April 2008
The recent trip to Perhentian has left me wanting for more diving adventures. I left Kuala Lumpur on 23rd April night, reaching Kuala Besut at 5.30 am and was stoned in the only Chinese restaurant opened that morning. Two hours after being in that restaurant, I made my way to the jetty to find the person holding my boat ticket. I got on the 7.30 am speedboat which is a small boat and courageously fought the waves despite its size. Halfway through, it rained, and I was soaked because the high speed boat not only splashes water on my face, but the rain as well. It's not like the boat is a covered up type. So, before I ever reached the island, I was already soaked all in the attempt of protecting my bags and belongings.
I finally stepped into Perhentian Island (Big island) and checked into the basic room in Flora Bay Resort. Umm... it's a rather dull room, but at least furnished with a cupboard and a mirror. Toilet bowl was eeky since it cannot be flushed and someone left their remains inside. My first day, I did my Peak Performance Buoyancy with my instructor, Beth, 2 dives and finished one course in a day. I think it is a great course because it helped a lot in my diving skills. It still rained the rest of the day, and because of the weather, the sea was a little colder, and I saw sharks. Leopard shark and a black tip shark in two different dives. What a lucky day despite the weather.
25th April 2008
The plan for today was to do a deep and wreck dive. I was brought to Sugar Wreck, which I was totally rendered blind by the visibility and also my short sightedness.
Although I couldnt see much at a glance, while we were moving around both dive sites, the marine life we spotted was amazingly rich in variety and I was so excited that I could cry. I wasnt allowed to bring my camera because I was supposed to concentrate on my course. So, there were A LOT of pictures that I did not take and was quite a bit upset from that. Still.... life goes on. I made a friend over in Flora Bay, a Korean girl doing her Advanced Diver Licence at the same dive centre. She was my neighbor. We quickly became acquainted because when I first arrived, I turned on my recent favorite song "Aeng Mu Sae" by Kim Jung Hoon out loud while showering and she overheard the music. She thought I was Korean because I have a 'universal' look that can pass as almost any nationality. We talked a lot and she goes by the name Gwi Ri. I finished my course by mid-noon and waited to attend a friend's wedding over in the smaller island, at Impiani Resort. The boat was supposed to come at 6 pm, but the phone reception in Flora Bay was quite bad (no line, to be exact), so it took me a while to get hold of the bride and confirm the boat. Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication and they thought I was coming on my own. The boatman came to pick me up at 7.30 pm, of which the wedding dinner has already started and I was already starving to death, not to mention, in the foulest mood ever. I was dropped off right at the beach, 5 steps from my dinner table and i brought my luggage with me, to the dinner. Everything became alright when I finally met up with everyone and my stomach filled. Dinner was fantastic and I wanted to spend more time at the reception but a friend of mine wants to go back to her resort (which I am bunking at the same room), so I had to leave. Taking a boat at night can be a thrill and romantic...
26th April 2008
I left Senja Resort (Perhentian Kecil Island) in the morning, and was back in Flora Bay to check in by 9.30am. I paid double for the boatride because I was the only person in the boat. I also left my handphone over in Impiani resort which I was so upset over that incident. Luckily, they manage to find my phone and made plans to send it to me in due time. Then, I continue my dive course on another deep dive and wreck dive, which I was exhausted to the point of oblivion, but I still have to finish up some knowledge review and invited Gwi Ri for dinner because I was sick of eating alone. We ate at the next resort because we found Flora Bay's food a bit too oily and unhealthy. The food was great.
27th April 2008
I moved to another resort, because it was cheaper by RM5, and it was just next door. In Fauna Beach Chalet, I was pretty happy with what I got, and the room seemed a little brighter. I brought Gwi Ri to my room and showed her around, and she planned to move to the same beach chalet the next day. I also got my handphone back. We chatted and joked and made plans for dinner again, which when I went to my room to charge my camera, she met another diver traveling alone by the name of Shun Ming. He works in Singapore and was diving with Fauna dive centre. The three of us got together after our dives, and met up for dinner. We ate in Arwana Beach Resort, where the ambience is much similar to a 4-5 star resort (not to mention the price of the food too). Over dinner, we talked about our dive experience and how we all end up traveling alone. We concluded with naming ourselves The Three Lonely Divers because one of us doesnt have friends (Shun Ming), another that doesnt like her friends (me) and another that friends doesnt like her (Gwi Ri). It was a pleasant friendship and we headed of walking by the beach to relax. It ended that three of us lying on the beach, star gazing the beautiful sky, which I told Gwi Ri, I want a piece of the sky in my room and I want to stare at the sky until it becomes an image reflected instantly whenever I close myeyes. I want that piece of the sky that is just right at the corner, nearest to the west where there is an occasional thunder light and the stars are brightest there. Gwi Ri said she has given that piece of the sky to me already. hahaha. I called that part of the sky My Favorite Star Corner.It was a while until we stopped our addiction to stars, and headed back to bed.
28th April 2008
I cannot believe it's my last day here. I finally am allowed to bring my underwater camera to my dives and the first dive was just to test out the camera. The second dive was in Tanjung Basi, which lasted 50 wonderful minutes. It was a rather busy dive for me because the moment we reach the bottom, we spotted Unicornfish, which we tried to chase after, and then I saw a black tip shark that went pass us quickly. We went after the shark, which it disappeared into the blues, and a humphead parrotfish came over to chomp on the corals. it was a fantastic dive. I was busy taking photos, along in trying to get used to multitasking of the various aspect of underwater photography. After the parrotfish left us, we went around and saw a beautiful moorish idol swimming pass us, and a pair of single banner butterfly fish.
Then, we spotted a six banded angelfish, followed by another butterflyfish. While I was busy taking pictures of the butterfly fish, my instructor called out to me and showed me the puffer fish, and then the blacktip shark came around us once more as if to check us out. (maybe it's because of my period). geez. I couldnt get the picture of the shark because it was wayyy too fast for me. Suddenly, the humphead parrotfish came along and we just sat there in the sea and observe/photographed the big 4ft long fat ass ugly blue piece of fish. It was awesome for me because it's my first time seeing a parrotfish upclose. Nothing can make me happier. My instructor signalled to ascend as I was at 80 bar of air left, and while we were ascending, we saw a school of silver batfish near to the surface. My instructor gave me permission to descend and take some photos if I want and I did, and I was jumping with joy.
When my dive finally ended, I met up with Gwi Ri and Shun Ming again. Gwi Ri was off to Long Beach to check out the accommodation because she will be moving there, and we have made plans for a night dive. At 7.30 pm, we geared up again for our night dive and dove in Shark Point, just below the sky of My Favorite Star Corner. I saw crabs, and crabs, sleeping fishes, blue spotted ray and a goatfish. Other than that, I could see nothing and the dive ended when one of us was low on air. Night dive photography seems to be quite a challenge for me as I only have a pair of hands, one holding a torch and another holding the camera. Well... I'm sure in time I will be able to get used to it. (More photos here under Perhentian Dive Trip 2008)
29th April 2008
I left Perhentian Island in the morning by the 8 am boat, and reaching Kuala Besut before 9 am. I tried to get a bus ticket back to KL but it was fully booked/occupied/sold out. I had to take a bus/taxi to Jerteh or Kota Bahru, according to the agent, going to Kota Bahru will be better because the main bus stand is there and the chances of getting a seat is higher. So, I didnt want to travel alone and manage to join two other girls, Laura and Sonna (from England and Holland) to Kota Bahru by bus and we found the last three seats to KL by Sani Express leaving at 9 pm. We have a total of 10 hours to kill and most of it were spent in the Internet cafe. I took the opportunity to satisfy my appetite for Kelantan food specialty, Ayam percik and Nasi kerabu, and I went out of my way to eat at the best shop. At Yati's Restaurant, I paid for the delicious Ayam Percik which I have been wanting to eat since forever, and my first time ever eating Nasi Kerabu biru. It was worth the while.
I met up with the two girls in town again and went back to the the cyber cafe to kill time. We finally boarded the bus at 9 pm, which I left my sweater at the baggage keeping area, and had to use my towel as a blanket. I took out my travel kit consist of a neck rest, earplugs and an eye cover and slept before the bus even began to leave the bus stop. The bus stopped near my housing area, which I got up, and took a while to recognize the area, and rushed down from the bus, making the driver coming out of his seat to open the baggage area again for me to take my luggage. I finally got home at 4.30 am the next day, showered and dozed right off in my own sweet bed and woke up to a normal day in the city, and back to work.
Total dives logged: 39 dives. YAY!
Next dive trip: Sipadan/Mabul/Kapalai Island.
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