A moment of silence for the incarceration of brother blogger RPK.

One of the things that greatly affects me is to know someone I love is going through a difficult time and did not once confide her problems in me or anyone around her. When she finally did, I am upset for the situation that she is currently in as well as upset that she has been alone going through this all the while. You know, it's okay to look for others for support during a difficult time, although some situation may be very embarassing. Put your trust in me. :D

Funny how things have suddenly gotten so severe in Malaysia just because that ONE person is in denial. Why dont you spend your denial somewhere that does not involve the suffering of millions of people in the country. Just convene the parliament in 14 days from now, and be done with it. At least people would respect that 'graceful' exit. I guess there's a reason why they are called cows. Stubborn as a cow.

These few months have been testing to fellow Malaysians in support of the People's Party. While some irresponsible leaders tried to incite a racial bloodshed like 513 but failed miserably, many were upset that our birth right to this country was demean despite the many generations of our family being born here. Since Merdeka, the main question asked is what is the meaning of merdeka? Does the politicians even know what they are doing? Or it is just all for their pride and glory.

My transition of life somewhat depends on the happenings in the politics, if the formation of a new government will be able to convince me there's hope in this country, or we all will suffer a terrible fate if Anwar fails. I am not in support of anyone but a better future for the country and for my homeland. And whichever government that actually tries to realize that Malaysian dream, that is the government deserving for this country. Yes, MY country.

I hated this place because of the racial discrimination, even when issues like Chinese being marginalized by the govt were being brought up by other countries, the current government has always deny the allegations to defend their right, and to denounce everyone else's right. I guess many people left because of the bleak future of the ruling party, substantiated with a moron for a leader and a compost for deputy, one would be stupid not to runaway. However, there are still people who just cant afford to runaway, or choose not to run away, because they believe this is their homeland, and will do their part in contributing to build a better country. I have never felt so much for this country as I have now, realizing that my place is here. Although we have a herd of cows as the government, the change will bring about hope and opportunities where the newer generation, MY generation, can shine. I guess I believe that my skills will be of significant contribution to home than anywhere else in the world. Then again, it's just useless if i am the only one who thinks so.

I probably shouldnt be blogging nor lurking in Malaysia Today and wait for updates on the current scenario. It's taking too much of my life and my attention from work away. Need to have a little.. balance.

It was my first time voting for the general elections this year. When I was younger, my family (and the extended ones) are opposition supporters, just to ensure that the powers are checked and balanced. So, I thought I should be voting for opposition because my family did the same thing. Until the last election, when BN won by a landslide, those were the time when I didnt know anything, that I was glad BN won.

This year's election opened my eyes and introduced me to my responsibility as a citizen of this country. I have never been very interested in politics as I was once caught in the Reformasi 1998 (when I was 16) and the tear gas fired towards the crowd around me, I had an unwanted share of experience by FRU attacks. It was a bad coincident that I was there which made me hated politics because of all the unnecessary 'victims' getting caught in between. So whoever that is ruling the country, it didnt matter to me. I've never tell people that I love this country because I didnt, and I even wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.

Still.. this year changed everything. As I am responsible on my daily expenses, no longer getting allowance from my mom, I feel the pinch of the petrol hike, food hike, and the unnecessary inflation that a student has to go through, i.e. increase in charges for photocopying simply because papers are more expensive now than ever. It was unfair. To top that off, the administration in the university, my previous experience with the conversion exams, reflected very much the tyranny of the certain individuals from the current political scenario. Experiencing direct contact with such individuals made me grow up. I didnt want to take part in the election this year as I was still thinking of leaving this miserable hell hole, but at the end, I was persuaded to register as a voter, yet I didnt want to vote. I have my disagreements with the policies, however no words reached me until a friend of mine, who is in Canada now said to me that people who didnt vote have no rights to complain about anything in this country. I thought it was a very harsh statement, silencing my rights to complain, but today, I would like to say the same thing. People who didnt vote shouldnt hope for a better future because they did not play their part. People who didnt sign the petition to free the ISA detainees have no right to say "We are part of history in the making".

As upset as I am with these people, I am even more disappointed to find that some of them are my friends. One even admitted she's a coward and she hid at home from September 15th to 9-16. I told her off for being a coward... but I am quite irritated with her for being such a freak. Yes, we are all disappointed with the current state of the country, but one should fight for it because if we dont, then no one else will. as if complaining will get you anywhere.

Anyway... the sight of her irritates me recently, and it's pretty hard to believe I would get this mad over politics.

Time to write my manuscript.

I dont understand why some 'people' can be SOOOO DAMN SPITEFUL! oh my god, it pisses me off! Whether there are crossover or not, if you dont believe there's a list of names, then obviously there's no harm in meeting up and do whatever you want. Yet, you freaking play the miserable childish hide-and-seek and let the entire WORLD watch your cowardice. that's just lame. seriously, take it like a man and be done with it. bunch of fucking idiots.

Free those people! Why is it so many people signed the petition and it's ignored! Dont you understand the meaning of democracy! bunch of sore losers. pathetic idiots... sigh. I think the more we look at our politicians, the angrier we get... *breathe. calm down.

Come to think of it, when the new government is formed, it'll be cool to have a bunch of people that truly understands the meaning of 'framed up' since most of them are major threat to the 'previous' government and were stuffed in jail/ISA-ed. I read the news on how teresa kok was treated, and how everyone is requesting for a boycott with the newspaper concerned until it is bankrupt. well.. with the current government, i guess the worst that could ever happen to their own 'orang sendiri' source is a 3 years suspension of license. oh wow.. how severeee.

What other peaceful ways can you kick a person out of a place other than opening the doors and show them the red carpet out?

The last thing that I'll ever blog about is on politics. But then again, this isnt about politic, it's about MY country.

I have never been observant about the country's politics simply because I was never exposed nor interested in it. I have always wanted to leave this place and see the world, but now, I truly understand what is the meaning of 'home'. A place that sucks and is never impressive until I had stayed here my entire life, and found that... the greatest diving site is still in Malaysia. The farther I travel, the more I miss home. The more I see, the more I compare and find things that suck aint that bad after all.

In this darkest hour of the country, I hope that the new dawn to come will shrine so brightly. Despite all the current 'worry' of riots, rally, demonstration and other crazy thoughts, it's just another stage in Malaysia history that we all need to live through, just like how our parents survived 513, just like how I saw Reformasi 1998, and now again, New Malaysia 2008. It will all pass us by, and another day will still come.

So.. all I need to do, as a citizen, a human, is to go on my day like every other day without fear, and hope that the new day will always be fresh with no mistakes.

Man... every time i close my eyes, I see fishes. every time I walk around, i feel dizzy. Every time I open a science journal to read, I sneeze like hell and feel feverish. Is this allergy to work or land sickness? I want to dive again.

Every time I come back from a diving trip, it always leave me wanting for more. Unfortunately, my financial condition has stopped me from splurging on dive trips or any trips because... yes, my time has come. time to join the workforce.

it is nothing short of sad to mark the end of my diving days, and from now onwards, saving and planning my yearly holiday to somewhere and cherish the very little time I can spend on short diving trips. I wonder if it is even wise to take my EFR subsequently my DM anytime soon. Money is a problem though. All I can hope for is to get a proper funding for my studies, and continue my vagant lifestyle for another year. But mom would KILL me, wouldnt she?

November marks the month where my fellowship ends, which mean, no more allowance. I have to get some research projects to do.... wonder if IMR has any vacancy?

Sigh.. I should also plan a little for my future, like investing in more trust funds. No sharemarket for me... after seeing how addicted my mom is. Probably long term investment would be fine. It's time for me to sit down and plan my life all over again.. and also plan my next dive trip...

Lang Tengah Island sounds like an interesting place. Should I? Should I not? will do it on a tight budget.

The recent trip to Sipadan Island was the best time of my life.

In 6 days, I made many new friends, and took over 1000+ pictures of underwater and on land fun. I never expected to have this much fun! It's really the best time of my life.

On the day of my arrival, I was basically still in dazed as I have not packed my bags until a few hours before the flight, and it dawned upon me that I also need to check-in earlier, which requires me to wake up at 3 am and grab a cab to KL Sentral. My departure from the house was a mess because I woke my mom up to send me to KL Sentral, and ended up getting a taxi because I think she needs the rest. So, I spent around RM23 for the cab, and another RM9 for the LCCT bus, which I slept all the way. At the airport, I read my new science thriller book while waiting for my flight. It rained that morning, and I thought it would be a bad sign for a diving trip. Then again, since i'm diving, it wouldn't make any difference.

Anyway, even as I reached Tawau, I stupidly walked around, looked for my cab to Semporna, and found the man and negotiated the fare for RM50. I finally reached the dive office, and they sent me to Mabul Island with the owner of the homestay. I shared a room with Renee, another Malaysian airstewardess. At first, I couldnt really socialize since it's awkward for me to just come in and started making a big fuss. So, i read my book, and took an afternoon nap even though it's hotter than a steam room. No breeze at all. But i was too tired to be bothered.

Johnny, the so-called manager of the dive centre asked me to join him for a sunset dive to see the mandarin fish. So, I went with him (despite oni 8 hours re-compression) and saw a lot of mandarin fishes. We stayed at the dive site for a bit for photography but I didnt see what's the thrill all about since it was only my first dive. :D

The next day, I headed off to Sipadan diving at the usual popular site like Drop Off, Barracuda point, and saw plenty of sharks, turtles and tuna fishes! I never knew tuna fishes grow THAT big.... like half of my size. DAMN! a couple of times, i got frightened as the white tip shark appeared in front of me, swimming towards me, where i immediately stopped and put my fins forward in case of any attack. It rested on the reef, and I took the opportunity for photography until I realized there was another shark nearby, and a titan triggerfish below me. Then, i got anxious and swam off. :P

The dives were exciting and it was BEAUTIFUL. World class indeed. I would love to go again and stay for 2 weeks next time. A couple of incident I got slapped by the turtle because it was trying to swim away from me, and hit me on the head/face. Another time was due to the current, that it was so strong and the turtle got drifted and bump into me. What hilarious moments. occasionally i get fin kicks by other divers which made some of them laughed so hard underwater and wasted our air supply.

Every night, there will be someone playing the guitar, singing under the stars, when my new found friends celebrate their last night in the island by watching the sky, and i saw shooting stars for the first time in my life THREE TIMES. we had so much laughter that night and I missed everything already. There were also times, when newcomers stayed for a night, bringing their supply of food, 2 boxes of heineken bottles, and some fishes, noodles to be cooked and shared it with me. The newcomers were men from Tawau, chinese and gangster looking people. I couldnt believe i drank beers with them despite knowing some of them are pimps and triads in Tawau. We drank, played cards, and sing under the big blue sky with shooting stars.

It was a memorable trip, the best ever. I guess it's true that you dont need to go all over the world when the best place is just nearby.

I love this trip.